I started my fitness journey back in the winter of 2008. A lot of what I did and learned were based on trial and error, not bc I was an athlete or raised in a health/fitness household. I became a certified personal trainer in 2010 at the very gym that I started my transformation. Many of the same ppl who saw my transformation with their own eyes became my clients. And some ppl who weren’t my clients would ask me my “secret”, I’d say lifting heavy and eating right. They’d give a wink and a nod as if I were holding some other secrets close to my chest.
Anyways, in this time span, my message in real life and online has pretty much remained constant. Health is bigger than JUST losing weight, but getting healthy overall. I give tips, shown meals, shown how to incorporate kids and fitness, alla dat. Health is mental, physical, emotional, financial, and your relationships with others.
Ppl understand at some level that this health and fitness stuff requires consistency, time, and energy. You have to prioritize their health. And that’s why I don’t attribute our obesity crisis to just ignorance. It takes awareness, a lifestyle change, and making it a daily habit. It takes working on yourself mentally and physically.
I am a black woman, wife, and mom. I am into fitness, history, politics, and current events. Many of my book selections stem from these categories and some are suggestions or random choices. Here are a few of my recent book choices…(this post has affiliate links)
1. “Bag Man” by Rachel Maddow. This book was engaging, full of history that I was not remotely aware of, and filled in some of the pieces of history that I had some knowledge of. I like Rachel’s voice and her approach to the topic. She’s thorough and uses newspapers and interviews well.
2. “Jane Against the World” by Karen Blumenthal was a great history lesson of birth control, abortion, and how these two things have transformed women’s lives, freedoms, and rights in this country. Man!! The amount of control that men wielded over women legally, medically, and financially was a bit much to absorb. But the changes that have come about have been monumental.
3. “The Year of Yes” by Shonda Rhimes was AMAZING! Her voice is great. And she’s very transparent about the obstacles of motherhood, being a black woman, juggling a career, and finding her footing with fitness. This is a great book.
4. “Medical Apartheid” by Harriet A. Washington. Woowee, this was a deep, hard, and heavy read. The history of racism in the medical field is vile, violent, and inhumane. And what we’ve endured here as black ppl at the hands of racist white ppl cannot be sugar coated. The things I read…horrifying. This book is necessary, but hard to get thru. That’s a warning.
5.-6. “American Royals” and “Majesty” by Katharine McGee. Sometimes my readings get wayyyy too heavy. Lol. So this was a random pick made to lighten my spirits. It’s told from a fake perspective of IF America had a royal family. It has a good balance of drama, entertainment, and a good story line.
7. “The Secret Lives of Church Ladies” by Deesha Philyaw is a compilation of short stories and entertaining. What goes on in some ppl’s minds, homes, and relationships might cause the Church Mothers to clutch their pearls. This is a good book to entertain yourself with. And if you were raised in the black church, I def recommend it.
8. “Hood Feminism” by Mikki Kendall is a wonderful book that highlights issues that get swept under the rug. White women feminism is and was necessary, but it was still marred by racism and tone deafness where it came to poor ppl and ppl with disabilities. This book is vital to continuing the conversation and making further strides for equity.
9. “Such a Fun Age” by Kiley Reid is an entertaining coming of age story of a young black woman who finds herself employed by a wealthy white family. I liked this book, the pace of the story, and themes.
10. “Kill Switch” by Adam Jentleson. This was a wonderful history lesson regarding politics, the filibuster, how it’s been used to further racism, and how it’s used now. This is a great book that gives a foundation to racism of yesteryear playing a role currently.
There are all types of parents that range from Helicopter parents to Free range parents to absolutely neglectful parents. They are ranges and levels and mixtures to all of these. And I know that experts have identified and created many labels for the different parenting styles. I appreciate being able to cultivate and tailor my parenting style for both of my kids personalities.
Being a stay at home mom creates opportunities to fill the days with WHATEVER. Literally there are no boundaries. This type of freedom can be a double edged sword in that there are no checks, balances, or any one watching and dictating what you should be doing. Some ppl work best with directions and lists. Some ppl work best with the flow. I think I fall somewhere in between.
Before I became a mom, I just KNEW there were gonna be things we did together. I thought that the kids would sleep in their beds and actually take naps. I thought they’d love homemade foods. I just knew we’d go to coffee shops and I’d read while my littles napped. (Insert hearty laughter 😂😂😂) Yeah, no. Lol.
I am soooo glad that I had my kids in my 30’s and that I was in good mental and physical health. Why? Bc they are so active and inquisitive and I have the energy and patience to spare. They are both so different. And in being home with them, it’s given me the opportunity to allow them to mostly dictate their own path and “likes”. They are literal sponges, and I see a lot of me in my children. But they are still very much individuals and I love it.
The controlling parent tends to be strict about their beliefs and daily schedules. There are consequences for bucking the system, talking back (aka attempting to have an opinion), and/or slacking on the rite activities. These types may seem overbearing and can have issues with their kids on the back end once the kid leaves.
The helicopter parents create a different problem in that they hoover and just do things for their kids. They don’t let them fail, they clean up their messes, and it creates humans that may not be equipped to solve problems. These parents will fill out paperwork and call teachers to “fix” grades. They look at issues as problems outside of their households to fix vs teaching kids to adjust. This COULD create dependency issues later in life.
The free range parent kinda just lets the kid go. I won’t go so far to say neglect the kid, but depending on where you live and how the house ends up looking “neglectful” could be appropriate. Setting the kid up with the basics of survival and letting them do their own thing COULD help some kids develop into the humans they wanna be, but it could also send humans into the world with absolutely NO structure.
I don’t really have a label for my style of parenting. Mine is definitely a shade of gray on the parenting scale. I like to think of myself as a steward of their safety, but I slow them to take the lead on some things. My kids are YOUNG. So that means that my approach is early and obviously subject to change. I give myself that grace that I can change as necessary bc my kids will change as well.
Anywho, what is your parenting style and if you don’t have kids, what parenting styles did your parents have? What styles have you observed thru friends, family, and the outside world?
This is an amazing watch!! I made a review. Check it out. youtu.be/hm_mG0ZRZSU
This watch is AHH-may-zing!! I spent about $31 after tax. I know that iPhone watches and Samsung watches can easily run you hundreds of dollars. I’m a stay at home mom on a budget. I wanted a solid watch to track my fitness activities, heart rate, and sleep. This does so much more than that!!
You gotta release the need for validation. You gotta release the need for positive feedback and stop worrying about other ppl shaming or insulting you. They are insignificant.
A couple of books that I’ve read that have helped solidify this for me: “The Four Agreements” and “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck”.
Once you get to the point of recognizing everyone has a perspective AND get ok with not trying to please them, your cares to give significantly dwindle.
It is also necessary to not live for positive opinions and head pats from random ppl. Shake off the need for that. Get secure in what you value and what makes you happy.
Sometimes ppl use positive opinions to shape behavior. “Ohhh. I love your hair like that.” Or “I love you I dresses. You look so good.” These compliments on the surface are not THAT bad. But when ppl use “nice” ways to shape behavior, they become insidious little snakes creeping into your mind. Like, oh, Suchandsuch said he likes red on me. I should buy this red dress. Now you’re acting for validation vs buying the dress that you want.
The flip side. “I hate when women dance like that.” You happen to be a woman that dances “like that”, but has decided to stop dancing like “that” due to a negative opinion. Sometimes, no…always…best to just be you regardless of the opinions. We all have them.
A big one from the Four Agreements is to not take things personally. Do not take other ppl’s opinions or interpretations to heart. You will always be off balance if your emotions rest on another person’s opinion. You have to be grounded in being uniquely you and NOT a chameleon changing with the fickleness of others.
Something I’ve taken to saying, “I will not argue your perspective/interpretation.” We all have experiences that shape why we move and how we form opinions. Your opinion is valid. Other ppl’s opinions are valid. Namaste 🙏🏾 🧘🏾♀️